The path of enlightenment, awakening and stepping into my truth as a Healer, Channel and Soul Guide - was a scary one. Filled with ups and downs, often loneliness with the polarity of pure joy and love. I suspect your unique journey will be similar.
My awakening story shared here, to help you feel supported with your awakening and discovery of your spiritual path ...
I believe that the foundation of my spiritual offerings and gifts, comes from soul wisdom woven within me from past lives. I also believe that it is, and has been the evolution of my soul and my relationship with the universe and my Guides, that has assisted me on my path and opened me up to the truth of who I am today.
I grew up in New Zealand, and had a typical, Kiwi childhood. I loved the land, collecting treasures from nature and exploring on my own. I have always been one to 'beat to my own drum' and preferred my own company. I grew up in a Catholic family who never spoke about spirituality, or invited a curiosity to explore other ways of being, thinking or believing. I didn't have an elder to discuss 'old ways' with me, there were no rituals or opportunities to play with, the ideas of philosophy, religion or spiritual beliefs.
However, I did grow up frightened by some of the things I could see, hear and feel. I understand that it is typical for childhood imaginations to manifest ghosts or monsters, but for me, I got visited alot! Which I found scary, especially because I had no one to talk to about it. My fears were dismissed quickly by my loving family.
My intuition grew in my teenage years, when I began to experience the energy of both light and dark. I had one particular experience when I was 18 years old which led me to have a Catholic ritual to purify my spirit, there was no way that my parents could turn a blind eye to the spiritual entanglement I was in. The experience terrified me. During this time I really felt I was going crazy, I disconnected from everything, suffering from depression - I couldn't find my way out on my own. When a heaven-sent woman bravely told my parents about what she perceived was happening to me: a spiritual attack, it was a blessing and in many ways, I think her intervention saved my life.
From this experience, I made a contract with myself, that I would completely shut myself down from anything spiritual. I would stay in my head, turn down my intuitive dials and try to stay present in life to what could be explained rationally. My career went towards science, and I stayed away from anything that would be considered 'spiritual'. Including stars signs, oracle decks and energy reading of any kind.
For the next 12 years, I was mostly successful at being able to block out my spiritual awareness. Sometimes, it would sneak in, but I was quick to shut it down. The arms of my soul were securely in a mode of protection, led by fear - and I was stubborn, and adamant that I would keep myself spiritually safe. However, when I did this, I disconnected from myself, my soul truths and my purpose. It was fear which kept me distant from myself and therefore, distant from others. My reality was capped at a certain level of happiness, and I was left felt abandoned because I had abandoned myself.
How I eventually came to release my fear, come from an impromptu moment about 6 years ago, when I facilitated a conversation between my husband and a dear friend of his who had just passed. As I sat with my anguished husband in our lounge room, the friend who had just passed walked in to the room, as if he was still living, sat down next to me, and I ended up assisting communication that helped both my husband and his friend to heal. This was a turning point for me because I realised that my spiritual gifts could be a blessing to help people.
Even so, it took me a long time to feel safe. I would take two steps forward and one step back. As I gently unfolded, and allowed a re-connection of my soul and the gifts within me, I began to experience different vibrations of happiness and understandings of the world. I began to play with energy, my spiritual awareness grew very strong and I began to learn more and more about myself.
During this time, I would pray for a spiritual mentor in human form. I would ask my Guides to send me someone who could help me to understand my path, my abilities and to be there for me when things got hard or I felt lost. To be honest, I use to tantrum a lot about this! I was angry that I couldn't find someone who could and would 'get me'. The truth of this is, is that I had to 'get me'. I had, and have to trust my own soul.
I also feel that my struggle to find a mentor has led me to be a mentor for others on their path. I believe very strongly that it is not about teaching, it is about helping people to discover themselves, trust themselves and grow a relationship with spirit to help them expand to their full, gorgeous potential. I don't want anyone to feel lonely like I did, I don't want people to feel vulnerable with their gifts. For me spirit has been my biggest teacher, for those who seek my help as a guide - my goal is to help them to open up to spirit as their teacher and to trust what they already know.
Over the years, my journey which began with reiki has shifted to shamanism, very strong channels of healing and receiving intimate guidance for those who seek my services. This year, I have evolved to be able to channel plant medicine, including the Grandmother energy of Ayahuasca, and the divine light of the 'I AM' energy. I am, we are, always evolving, always students.
Whatever your story is, please know that awakening to truths and purpose is going to be messy and beautiful. You will not be able to rationalise much (or anything as you awaken), this is because spiritual development is beyond the mind. It cannot be learnt, or understood deeply in books or podcasts, it is a living, unfolding path of the heart.
May you be the strength of your soul and embrace the truth of who you are, and the glory of life around you. May your path be filled with playful discover, may their be no fear. You are not alone.